帮忙评分~----雅思task2 作文请帮忙评分~~题目:The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages it is probably better to stay have because of the difficulties

帮忙评分~----雅思task2 作文请帮忙评分~~题目:The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages it is probably better to stay have because of the difficulties
帮忙评分~----雅思task2 作文请帮忙评分~~
题目:The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages it is probably better to stay have because of the difficulties a student inevitably encounters living and studying in a different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
作文:
As the question of studying abroad is discussed, there is much debate as to whether staying at home is more satisfied. However, going abroad to obtain a bachelor's degree can obviously supply more varied experiences, abilities and many other advantages than staying at home to become a common person. Clearly, as our society is going to be a global village, studying overseas in a university is not only benefit for individual, but also helpful for the development of our society.
More experiences can make people become more independent, especially for a student who has been overseas to further his study. He has to learn to cook, wash cloth, pay for the food and the rent by himself when he left his home and his families. He should do everything by his own, no matter in his study or daily life, he must be clear about that there is no more family education or pocket money. Actually, learning leads people to become more erudite and knowledgeable. Living in a different culture, working as a casual laborer who is paid money for live is truly useful ways to make people truly become a member of the society.
Although some people who is conservative still believe that staying at home and being a common people are more peaceful and comfortable or even more worth than going abroad, studying overseas can give a more active lesson to help people experience the real world.
Based all the arguments offered above, encountering more new things in a different culture when people study abroad is more meaningful and helpful in their lives.
严重感谢~

帮忙评分~----雅思task2 作文请帮忙评分~~题目:The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages it is probably better to stay have because of the difficulties
我英文水平可能比你稍微好一点点,但写作是我的弱项,雅思作文水平可能也就在6到6.5之间吧,所以一下愚见仅供参考.
首先,这个文章结构把握得不是很好.有明显使用模版的痕迹.开头太长,一般开头在55个词以下,占全文篇幅的五分之一即可.
第2段中间展开论证比较不充分.无故的重复叙述了多次相同的idea,句子和句子之间逻辑关系不是很严密.你第二段得分论点是more experience can make people more independent.个人认为应该如下展开论证.1.students accumulate experience that they can hardly gain in their domestic universities through their oversea lives ,which will consequently benefit their later lives.2.through study,.3.in their daily life,.4.The experience can benefit their future life because.
第三段写的是一个驳论,但是内容空洞.第一,没有人会认为 stay at their motherland 就一定会 be a normal person,第二,go abroad 并不代表experince a real life.个人建议这段驳论应该这么写.1.Some people claim that students study abroad experience a cultural shock.2.However,.3..
4.Therefore,the culture distinctions can actually help the students .
最后一段应该重申全文总观点,但是你的这一段总结得太片面.
总体来说整篇文章给人的感觉就是空洞,逻辑不清楚,没说什么话就写完了.外国人是很讲究逻辑的.可以看出你的文笔,词汇不错,但是还是没有太习惯雅思写作,这是非常可惜的.建议你多练一练,形成自己的写作结构,毕竟真正考试要求你在40分钟码出250个词来.我的评分肯定不专业,不过感觉这篇文章很难达到6分.
要想得7分可以尝试更新颖的观点.写驳论是一个很好的选择.这篇文章重要的是写出study abroad 相对于study in their own countries的好处或坏处,要注意对比.还有可以参考的观点个人认为还有
in my country,another reason for people to study in an industrilised countries is the better research environment and teaching facilities.